You Know you are a FOBIT When.....

Greetings Everyone,

Well I have completed and am about to start another week in Paradise. I should explain what is meant by the title. FOB is Army speak for Forward Operating Base. Those who do not get outside the walls/gate (by their own desire not to leave or those not allowed to, which would be me) are called FOBITs. It is not my choice but it is what it is. Well you know you are a FOBIT when you see and read pretty funny emails about other FOBITS who are self important and complain a lot. One such email, was the DFAC (Dining Facility) council meeting. It was a question and answer session. I have included an excerpt from this meeting that was emailed to all other FOBITs here at Camp Victory. We are well fed and, by observing other FOBITs, over fed here at Camp Victory. Here are some of the questions and answers. I find them quite amusing and pathetic at the same time.

Question:
Why does the DFAC put pork in rice? The managers were a little confused some said, they do not put pork in rice, the others said they do.
Answer: Take a look at different stations in the DFAC, we always have plain white rice or rice without meat.

Question:
Why isn't the DFAC open 24/7?
Answer: Contract issue. If a member can not make one of the meals, he or she can take out 3 carryout trays. Translated KBR and Halliburton are too lazy to keep it open.

Question:
Since the DFAC has a Greek stand, why don't you serve Falafals.
Answer: What is a Falafal? We will look into it and put it out there.

Question:
Can you clarify what is a sweaty uniform?
Answer: Any dress attire that is stuck to your body (front or back) drenched of sweat.

Question:
Any comments about the band?
Answer: Music is too loud.

Question:
Why are the fruits unripe?
Answer: We have to order them premature, by the time it’s on the line, hopefully, it’s ripe.

Question: Why not use the Air Force to fly fresh fruit and vegetables to the base.
Response: At this time this is not feasible. [The poor Air Force never catches a break. ]

Question : Requests Rye bread, bigger taco shells, and Jell-O without fruit or anything in it. He also stated that the salt and pepper shakers did not dispense enough salt and pepper and many soldiers would need to unscrew the top off to get enough.

Response: The shakers have just recently been purchased and that in order to get better ones, the military would have to provide funds to replace the existing salt and pepper shakers.

As I have said before, War is hell, especially when dealing with FOBITs. On the excitement for real front, there was a lot of naughty hajism near and around Camp Victory this past week as the new government was seated. I was locked in my trailer for about two hours on Friday afternoon as a firefight occurred outside the gate and near my trailer. Last week two intellgent naughty hajis proved how smart they were by blowing themselves up right outside the gate Camp Victory. I was at church as it shook the chapel. I figure what better place to be. Thanks again for all your well wishes, care packages and prayers. I feel unworthy to accept them, seeing that I live in such luxury while my fellow soldiers outside the wire get shot at each and every day and are lucky to get a hot meal once a week as I sit in an air conditioned office and read funny email minutes about how bad our chow hall is. Take care and thanks for reading.